i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is wine microwaveable?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let's get the cat blown out
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
