Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
