I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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