they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
