You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
