All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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