he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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