Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
