Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
