well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
