btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
