Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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