He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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