the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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