I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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