remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
