I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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