So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
