There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
