What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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