I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
