I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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