I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
