No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
