somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
