I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
