Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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