I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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