And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We are all done wearing pants today
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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