i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
