i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
