My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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