i think my tv is drunk
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
