i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
