it hurts more in the daytime
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
