I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
