last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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