yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
