When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
