Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize