Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
