maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
