is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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