do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I am morally bankrupt
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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