The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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