Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
