Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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