I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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