I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
