oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I wear drunk well.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
