there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
