if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
