drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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