Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize