In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
