Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize