I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
