I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
