My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you inspire me to be a worse person
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
