hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
