i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
