this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
