I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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