is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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