Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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