Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
