I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
