PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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