Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
