just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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