what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
