My friends, they love my intelligence
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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