Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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