note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
