trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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