He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
