their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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