12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize