No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
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