Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
