No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
