Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
