It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize