Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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