Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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