I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You made out with two different species that night
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
