I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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