you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
