im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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