ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
