So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize