i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
