you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
